Death is Weird.

It has been a few years since my father has died and this is the first year I actually really feel it. For many reasons my heart has gone through so many changes since his passing. Only a few months ago have I truly mourned his passing. The reality of it all hit me like a ton of bricks one day while I was at work. I no longer remember what triggered it exactly, but I could not hold back the extreme heartache that followed a simple memory of him. I held back tears the entire workday, and it was obvious to my coworkers. I do not hide who I am at work, so everyone knows that I am wild & crazy. This day I was quiet and sour, trying not to talk for fear that I would turn into a human waterfall. So I mainly kept to myself with constant clear visual memories of my father endlessly spinning through my mind. Grief, longing, sadness, regret. These are all things I kept feeling over and over again. I have always said (since his passing) that I’ll miss him, but in those moments that day I truly did miss him. It hurt. And I still miss him. I also have said many times that “it’s okay though, I’ll see him again in heaven”. Yes this is true, indeed I will see my father again. At that moment I’ll give him the biggest hug I’ve ever given him. We will laugh and we will cry tears of joy. These things are true, but that does not change how very weird it is that right now, on this planet, my father no longer exists.

If you have never been faced with the death I can try and explain what it’s like. Think of an old friend. Someone from your childhood or high school, someone you never see anymore. Theres still a possibility to run into them, say hello and discuss the weather. Maybe even a chance to redeem the relationship, make it better, forgive and work through an age-old bitterness you held against each other. Who knows what exactly, but the possibilty of seeing them again is real. However, imagine if that weren’t true anymore. Old Billy from high school was not on this planet anymore, and I don’t mean he’s decided to travel to Mars either. He’s just gone.

That’s kind of what death is like. It’s much worse if its someone you truly love and care about. Sadly I have had to go through many of these death scenarios. From grandmas to friends, to friends of friends. The one that hurt the most was my father. Now although we weren’t super close, your parents are the relationships that matter the most. The ones that if say you get in a fight or something, you can get mad and not talk for years. It’ll never change the fact that they are your family, they are your parents. So if your best friend just vanished off the face of the earth - that’s kind of what it’s like. No chance to say farewell, to shake hands, to laugh anymore. It’s gone. All gone.

It’s very weird, wouldnt you say?

That being said, there is a chance to see your loved ones again someday. Or anyone for that matter. The lord has given us the gift of eternal life through his son. We may die, but we will rise again in heaven. If and only if you accept that gift. Luckily my dad did and so did I, have you? Will I see you again someday?

Maybe I don’t know you, but there will be time to chat in heaven, for it is eternity up there.